Take that Rolling Stone!!

Rolling Stone Magazine has released the top 15 "worst albums by great bands" list. On it is pretty much the cover catalog of the magazine's last twenty years of favorite white boys. Sure the article title reads "bands", but it pretty much goes without saying that if you aren't white or 50 Cent (has he made a truly good album?), you ain't making the cover. Of course it's not their fault, they're a product like anything else. And, in the music biz, we all know money resides in the wallets of teenage girl's mothers (and yes, that includes gangster rap). To blame them (given the criteria they establish for themselves) for not putting up any singers of color isn't fair since most R&B music is the product of a single singer (or, in the old days, a charismatic band leader--James Brown and the like). But, seeing as how I can't let them go unrepresented, here are my top five worst albums by great recognizable R&B singers (in no particular order). Mind you, I could do an entire top five of the worst albums by former members of New Edition if I wanted to (hmm...):

1. Forever, Bobby Brown.
-Take the best cuts from Don't Be Cruel and Bobby (not to mention "On Our Own" from the Ghostbuster's 2 Soundtrak--one of the best, most literal, movie songs of all time--and you'll have one of the best party/sexy-time CD's ever. Ahh, remember the simulated sex on stage and the arrests... it's as if it were only yesterday--wait... Take a song from this album and Whitney won't be the only one who feels like she's being de-constipated.

2. Happy People/ U Saved Me, R. Kelly
-Dammit, I'll listen to R. Kelly and buy his albums till he goes to jail, but I'll happily take a refund for this lazy album. Worst Idea Ever. Known for killer remixes (like "Ignition" & "Fiesta"), "our boy Kell's" decided to take his song "Step in the Name of Love" and record it ten or more times (I lost count with all the sugar in my ears), and then pair it with another album containing some of the most sanctimonious self-congratulating preaching of his career (better examples of his tendency towards piousness can be found on tracks like "Religious Love" and "I wish"). One wonders if all the talk of "checking for ID's" on earlier remixes, not to mention his "12 Play" plan for player slinging game, made his lawyers nervous, forcing him to cook up an album that would play well in a trial he thought was eminent. You can practically hear him begging for a, "not guilty, ya'll got to feel me."

3. Face 2 Face, Babyface
-Kenneth, Baby. There's nothing wrong with smooth and silky. I've seen your house on MTV cribs. I've seen your wife. Stick with what you know, what made musicians like Madonna, Eric Clapton, TLC, or any other major R&B/pop vocalist a lot of money the last twenty years. Lose the dreds. Don't be so "hard" on everybody else. Remember, "Love is no Crime". You taught us that. "Whip Appeal" is the dream of every hard working man. Just ask Otis. Oh, but props for making Fall Out Boy cool.


4. Invincible, Michael Jackson
-Nothing more embarrassing than improper use of hyperbole. How about biggest flop in music history? At least it's closer to the truth. There should be no amount of scorn spared regarding that awful video that came out with this album. When you can make "Remember the Time" look awesome, you know a certain kind of travesty has taken place.

5. Controversy, Prince
-It's hard for me to say anything bad about Prince after he thoroughly embarrassed the Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney at this years Superbowl (could not find a link!), while somehow making a good case for silhouette erections. Still, history shows that he did in fact record this record. I thought about going Graffiti Bridge, but Tevin Campbell and the very awesome "Thieves in the Temple" redeem that sacrilege. But name one good song on this Warner-end-of-days-calamity. Sure we like Prince nasty, but "Jerk U Off"? No, no thank you. Not for all the creative spelling in the world.