Shrek 3: Thoughts

I was never a big fan of the first Shrek film and its tired message of acceptance, which too often felt like an extended Mike Myers sketch culled from the cutting floor of So I Married an Axe Murderer (a great movie) and the Austin Powers flicks, with its un-Pixar-like animation, and woefully out-of date Matrix jokes (once Scary Movie went there was it really necessary to continue?); and if there was anything more tired, it was Myer’s tendency rely on the Scottish accent whenever he was desperate for a laugh. Shrek 2 was better, the animation much improved, but it was the introduction of Antonio Banderas’ Puss in Boots, as well as the enlistment of Shrek’s cronies (Pinocchio and the always dynamic Gingerbread Man) into his quest for (again) acceptance that stole the show, and I couldn’t help thinking that it was a sign of trouble that the films were funnier when the main character was off screen. But, while the first two film’s got their rocks off skewering Katzenberg’s old boss Disney and Michael Eisner, followed by the oh-so-easy (but always enjoyed) send-up of Hollywood, I couldn’t wait to see what Shrek 3 had cooked up. How amazing it was to discover that millions of dollars had given the filmmakers the stones to tackle the most sacred of holy cows … high school. Wait, what? Perhaps it would have been better if Shrek himself had to go to high school, a condition of Princes Fiona’s family maintaining control over the kingdom predicated on some royal loop-hole that required the green ogre, now king to be, to finish his GED: a kind of Billy Madison meets… well, Shrek. They could have hired SNL-alum Adam Sandler to do the shreicking Operaman-type voice of the Principle out to expose Shrek’s unwillingness to commit to academic study. Instead, we get Justin Timberlake (doing his best to bring squeaky back) as Artie, the reluctant loser destined to assume the throne left behind by Fiona’s dead father, The Frog-King—which, by the way, is something Shrek won’t have. Any position that requires him to fit into tight clothes will only chafe his sensitive Ogre disposition, not to mention his struggle to accept (seriously is there no other theme to be had in this universe?) fatherhood and responsibility. Shrek must accomplish all of this while the delightfully smarmy Prince Charming rallies the unfortunate and destitute fairy-tale humps (Captain Hook, Cruel Step-sisters, etc.) into a seething band of Second City travesties, all in an effort to take over the kingdom of Far Far Away and stage the Dinner Theater to end all Dinner Theaters. It was during this dizzying climax that I realized how much the plot was simply a glass slipper to the animation--which in this third installment is spectacular. At this point, I cared little about the fate of Shrek and his Bride, instead leaning over to my girlfriend during this final scene and saying things like: “You can practically seen the fibers in the rope!” and “That actually looks like a painted piece of cardboard, as opposed to a computer animated piece of painted cardboard!” or “Ooh, look at the slits in the stage floor for the waves!” A lot of talk has been made about the Princess Brigade, but I felt the jokes relied too much on the Disney cannon and served to illustrate just how flimsy Shrek’s universe is, and how quickly the jokes start to look tired and mean spirited. Perhaps Dreamworks should rely on their own contributions to fairy tale lore for inspiration and laughs, since it is there where we find true moments to enjoy. Banderas is indispensable as Puss in Boots (much more than Eddie Murphy’s strangely insignificant donkey). And I’m happy to say that, once again, the Gingerbread Man steals the movie with his post traumatic stress disorder induced this-is your-life flashback. Yet, sadly, Shrek 3 continues Spider-Man’s decent into tri-fecta doggery. To think, we only have a few days before Johnny Depp comes to port. Where’s a burnt out ex-New York City cop when you need him? Here’s to hopping 4 is the new 3.